Evil Customers

An accumulation of submitted stories about outrageous, crazy, stupid, funny customer experiences by the very good people who had the misfortune of dealing with them.

Aug 4

No We Are Not Dead

No need to call the cops and report missing people. We are still here and we will still put out YOUR stories… it’s just SUMMER here right now and we figured you all would want to ENJOY the outdoors for a bit :)

We will be back in September with a nice surprise so watch out for that! In the meantime, keep submitting those stories! We would die in hunger if we don’t get to read them and you don’t want to kill a person do you?

LOL Anyways, September 1st! We will be BACK!

Jul 21

Well we know how you spend your weekends.

Me: Would you like a free sample
Customer: Does it have wacky backy in it? (Slang term for Marijuana)
Me: No its a cold drink, Why would I put that in it?
Customer: Oh well I don’t want any then.

Jul 20

An Email I got from a customer to remove them from our mailing list



Jul 19
  • *customer places order, for each kid, individually, at the speaker, taking forever*
  • Me: So, you had a cheeseburger with no onions -
  • Customer *cutting me off*: Which one was that for?
  • Me: Excuse me?
  • Customer: Was that burger for Brittany or Cameron or *eight other names*?
  • Me: … honestly Ma’am, I’m not sure.
  • Customer: Well how can you not know! It’s your job to know!
  • Me: ….. Ma’am, I have all of your burgers, but I don’t know which of your children ordered what, I’m sorry.
  • Customer: Let me place my order again, and this time pay attention so you get it right! Okay, so Brittany, what do you want…?

Jul 18
“If I let you take me out to dinner, can you give this to me for half the price?”

Jul 16
  • Customer: I don't like the ending of this book, do you have a different one?
  • Me: Are you asking for the same book with a different ending?
  • Customer: Yeah or something like that! I just don't like the ending so please change it.
  • Me: You want me to change the ending?
  • Customer: If you can't, I want to return this and get my money back!
  • Me: But you read it all already!

Jul 15

Stupid People on Craigslist

My alter-ego deals with stupid people on the internet.


Jul 14

Asking A Mother About The Pier One Credit Card When…

Me: Are you interested in the Pier One Rewards Card today? It would get you a lot of great benefits!
The Mother: Oh, what’s that? 
Me: It’s Pier One’s in-store Credit Card. Every dollar you spend gets you a point, and when you rack up 200 points you get special rewards.
The Mother: Oh, I don’t know, I—
The Daughter: Oh, she can’t have another credit card. She has too many already and her credit is through the roof!
Me: *stares at the daughter for a long time, rage etched upon my face thinking “Oh, gurl, you did -not- just speak when the adults are speaking, dafuq is wrong witchu!?*
The Mother: Honey…*turns to me* It’s never good to have more than three credit cards. I already have three.
Me: That’s alright. Let me just…get these for you.

Kids these days…. 

Jul 13

Me: …And your receipt will be wrapped up with you sandwich.
Customer: Okay.

*Awkward pause*

Customer: Can I get my receipt? 

Jul 12
  • Customer: Why do I have a strong feeling that you're ripping me off?
  • Me: Excuse me sir? What?
  • Customer: I think you're ripping me off!
  • Me: The price of the TV is 399 and its on sale for 319, how is that ripping you off?
  • Customer: I just feel it ok! I'm pretty good at telling if something is off and whatnot.
  • Me: Uhh... you could choose to not buy the TV if you feel like you're being ripped off on a SALE price.
  • Customer: Ugh whatever, I'll just get it, you win motherf*cker!
  • Me: You do know I do not make the prices right? And the TV you bought was 80 dollars off!

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